Empathy and Hipocrisy

Do you think people are just born with it, or do you think it can be taught?

I’ve been thinking about this stuff for years and I’ve realized the only bosses I ever liked were those that thought of others and could really visualize what customers were like. I’ve also noticed the only successful web communities seem to be run by people with similar traits. Finally, when it comes to the latest ha-ha youtube moment du jour, I find maybe 5% of people react in a way that doesn’t simply laugh at the subject, but comment on something bigger, or shows pity, or tries to get some understanding for how whatever happened, happened.

Anyway, since I meet so few people with any desire to understand others, I’m starting to wonder if maybe some people are just wired that way.

Teaching people to see the world through other perspectives? I think we do this all the time, or at least, try to, both honorably and dishonorably.

From Hollywood blockbusters like Brokeback Mountain to PRs' excuses for Mel Gibson's anti-semitic slurs, it's all aimed at helping someone to see something another way.

Whether people begin to understand someone else's point of view comes down to a bunch of factors, including their current need for a demon.

People demonize because it makes them feel better, feel safe/ok, even strong, in comparison to the demonized. It's not a good way to feel safe. It unfairly punishes the person being demonized. And whatever really caused people to feel weak and threatened in the first place will just lurk and rear its head another way later. It's an unhealthy, incredibly human, and wholly unacceptable, thing to do.

Our perspectives do, however, change. Sometimes for ill, often for good; usually so damn slowly.
The increase in the acceptance of being gay is one example of this. It's taking generations, but we are getting there. And this acceptance is unevenly distributed within and across countries. British gay rights lobbyists Stonewall found that, these days, 80% of Britons don't mind if a relative is gay . And 85% support new legal protections for gay people. Not completely there yet, but well on the way.

And we have more resources than ever to change perspectives. Not just to teach new perspectives, but to learn. It has never been easier for me for hear others' stories - whether it's reading blogs, seeing films, going to cultural festivals, or buying magazines aimed at social groups different to my own.

And we have more payoffs too - a richer life, higher sales, more loyal customers, successful web communities and bosses who can retain the best people.

I loathe that some people with big audiences use their platform to laugh at others. I loathe that people choose to be in those audiences. I try to remember that right now, there are millions of these conversations going on and most of these conversations have no real effect. And where they do have a wider effect, we can try to change and influence these conversations - and the track record of social change does give hope. We can support and protect people being laughed at and we can sanction people who whip up this pain. Not all the time, not perfectly, not without failure. But we have more opportunity than ever.

Thanks for a great blog, Anil.

Normally I try to put myself in other peoples shoes, but I find it hard with Craig and other closeted hypocritical gay men, because I went through the same social & cultural wringer, and didn't come out where he did. Over the years I was stalked and raped for being gay, lost my first job, and had a roommate who was brutally beaten. But I didn't let fear drive me down the path Larry Craig took, and I'm a better person for it.

And I find it bothersome that he never attempted to step into my shoes in return; being able to get legally married to my wonderful wife would make a world of financial difference to us, but from the language of all of his anti-gay rhetoric, I don't believe he ever stopped to think of it that way.