In 50 years, I could take the whole shebang and turn it into an animated film with entertaining musical numbers.

I was thinking DVD Jon and Dmitry Skylarov as the lead character's witty sidekicks, constantly sniping at each other during the journey, but actually quite fond of each other when the chips are down. "Aw, Dmitry! I knew you were okay, after all!" "Da, Jon. I vas thinkink same thing!"

That lead character, of course, would be called Dr. O. The good Doctor would have a trio of wisecracking monkeys who follow him around, just for the merchandising potential. (Their names? Alice, Bob, and Carol. "Stop stealing my banana!" "But the bananas belong to the commons!" "Common? Common, quit stealing my banana!")

So Dr. O, DVD Jon, Dmitry, and the talking monkeys would all venture to the land of Redmond, reading ebooks and signing completely unencumbered songs to each other. The action sequence involves them fighting their way out of an entanglement in an obstruction only referred to as "The Darknet".

And then the climax of the film could be a big musical number ("Dee! Arrre! Emmm!") where they convince the Redmondites to abandon their path of shackling up the poor little songs and books that just want to be free.

And me? I would sell you the Alice, Bob, and Carol stuffed animals. Because you greedy bastards can't just copy a stuffed animal and give it away to all your thieving friends. Lunchboxes and footy pajamas are also available.