March 22, 2002
Hello, visitors from the Mirror. Too bad you've stumbled across my site right now, I'm not updating for a little while. But if I were, I would regale you with the following story of my geekiness...
You see, I am a bit eccentric. So I asked a friend to log into NetGrocer with my account and buy me some groceries, because I like the concept of networked, collaborative serendipity. One of the niceties of having people sharing your personal space or common areas is that you find new and interesting foods or objects, and get to revel not just in the discovery, but in the enjoyment. As I buy all of my own food right now, I never get to enjoy that particular bit of surprise. And I figured I need to eat a bit healthier now that I'm pretending to be an adult.
So, I got the package from NetGrocer yesterday. Now, I am used to being the eccentric one in all of my relationships. I have the bizarre, jokey sense of humor, and they're all the mature, rational ones who act as good influences. The perfect temperament for selecting appropriate foodstuffs.
Apparently, sometimes I misjudge.
Among the contents of my grocery delivery were the following items: A tin of SPAM. A squeezable bottle of "cheese". A package of purple marshmallow peeps. A jar of marshmallow fluff. A box of fortune cookies. A plastic-wrapped tube of "beef sausage". A box of Quisp cereal. A 4-tube package of Mentos. 1 package of Easter-themed Crayola sidewalk chalk. A candle shaped (but, fortunately, not scented) like a buffalo. A handheld electronic basketball game.
I am concerned that a diet consisting of these items will leave me somewhat less vibrant than my current, admittedly imperfect state. In fact, I fear that I'd end up in significantly worse health than an acquaintance I had in high school, whose diet for long stretches of time consisted almost entirely of decorative cake frosting, squeezed directly from the tube into his gaping, blue-tongued, sugar-addled maw.
So anyway, dinner tonight? Squeeze cheese-covered Crayola chalk. With fluff-covered Mentos for dessert.